My Father's Death Gave Me Life
I know this title may seem a crazy but it’s true! I would talk to my Dad on the phone several times a day. We would laugh and have the best conversations! He was my friend, confidant, my right hand, and so much more. However, one day our call was very different. He told me he was having bad chest pains and needed to see a doctor. I immediately panicked. If you knew my Dad, you would know that he would never ask to see a doctor. My gut told me something wasn’t right. After going to the doctor, he was shortly admitted into the hospital.Then after weeks of testing, it was confirmed that he had Stage 4 lung cancer which had spread all over his body.
The doctors then gave him several weeks to live. Wait? What just happened? Not my Daddy? It didn’t take long for me to conclude that his diagnosis was true. He began to deteriorate before our eyes. During this time, I was in my last year of Graduate school. I was months from graduating. Not only that, I lived an hour away. Yet he was receiving care an additional 45 minutes or so away from our hometown. I immediately wanted to withdraw from school to be by his side. GOD said ‘NO” Stay in school! I will strengthen you!
My second thought was to move him closer to me and consider hospice. That way, I would at least be able to see him daily without the 2-hour drive. That was a no as well. He had spent his entire life in our hometown. I knew that removing him from his environment and other people he loved wasn’t fair to anyone. I also feared him dying quicker if I removed him from everything and everyone he knew. With that being said, I would attend class weekly, continued to work fulltime, attended my internship, and drive 2 hours to sit with my Dad almost every day. It was a lot, I know! BUT GOD! Some days, I just knew that GOD himself was sitting in the driver seat.
This continued for several months until my Dad passed. It was one of the biggest FAITH tests of my life. Not only was it unexpected but I had to handle his medical decisions, daily decisions, funeral arrangements, and the list goes on. However, during that time, my FAITH was ignited like never before. I had to learn to truly depend on GOD and GOD alone for my mental state, strength, protection while driving on the highway day and night, much more. I had to fully surrender to GOD and allow him to help with every single entity of both my life and my Dad’s. Not to mention, I was still a wife and mom. I often reflect on this season and just look up to say “Thank You GOD"
I say that My Father’s Death Gave Me Life because not only was my FAITH tested and I was led to completely surrender and trust GOD; but in some unique way, this season gave me a ton of strength and courage. It taught me to be FEARLESS! Fearless because you never know what the next second, hour, or day may hold. It taught me not to worry! I would tell myself, I could die tomorrow, so I refuse to spend today worrying about ANYTHING!
Most times when people think of death, it brings forth sadness, anger, and a lot of other unwanted feelings. I have those too. But overall, I feel FEARLESS, STRENGTH, COURAGE, FAITH-FILLED, and UNSTOPPABLE!
I pray this blog post helps you on your FAITH journey!
RIP DADDY! I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!
Crystal Perkins, Owner/CEO | @CrysPerkins